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Friday, September 14, 2007
Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women, you can stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men - U may keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. **** Women, if you have read this too... stop reading here, this is REALLY the end of the joke. **** Men U may Keep scrolling down By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: WOMEN NEVER LISTEN!!! and always think they’re the only perfect being in this world. Next..... Once a rabbit hopped under a tree and looked up. It saw a bird perched at the top, just sitting there and doing nothing. The rabbit asked the bird, "Can I be just like you and sit around doing nothing?" The bird replied, "Sure." So the rabbit sat at the bottom of the tree and did nothing. Along came a fox and ate up the rabbit. Moral: If you want to sit around and do nothing, be sure you're at the top It was cold, bitter winter, and a lone turkey was wandering around in the woods, lost. It wanted to fly up a tree and look around to see if it could find anything familiar in the landscape. However, despite many attempts to fly up to the top of the tree, it failed, as it had been wandering for a long time and was weak. Along came a bull, who asked the turkey what it was trying to do. At the turkey's explanation, the bull suggested, "Why don't you eat some of my shit to give you enough energy to fly up to the tree?" The turkey consented. Sure enough, it had enough energy to fly up the tree. However, a hunter shot it down. Moral: Bullshit can get you to the top, but it can't keep you there. There was a fierce winter storm blowing, and a bird dropped down to the ground, too cold and frozen to fly any longer. It knew its end was near. Suddenly, a bull walked past and shitted on the bird. The bird fell deeper into despair. 'I'm already going to die, do I have to suffer this kind of humiliation before I go?' Suddenly, it realised that the shit was warm, and he was beginning to feel less frozen. Soon, he would be able to fly again. In his joy, he started to sing a happy song. A cat heard the song, dug the bird out of the shit, and ate him up. 1st Moral: The person who lands you in shit may not be your enemy, the person who gets you out of shit may not be your friend. 2nd Moral: When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut. Lawyer: "Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?" Defendant: "I didn't want to wake up the children." There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back. The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he was woken up by some noise. The next thing he realized was that all his hats were gone. Then he heard some monkeys' sounds on top of the tree and so he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The hat-seller sat down and thought of how he can get the hats down. He thought and thought, and started scratching his head. The next moment, he realized that the monkeys were doing the same action. Next, he took down his own hat and fanned himself and the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him. He took his hat and threw it on the ground and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back. Fifty years later, his grandson also became a hat-seller and had heard of this monkey incident from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, very hot, took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. Again, when he woke up, he realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all his hats. Remembering what his grandfather had told him, he starts scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the ground but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the ground, gave him a slap and said : "You think only you have a grandfather?" A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says,this check is only made out for $50." "That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have." One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!" Quite lame.. There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?" The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog." Hahahahahahaahhahaahahah..okay thats all folks! Are you just not willing, Or am I just not good enough 8:23 AM
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*Its me you see *Your Gaurdian Angel*Right where you are *City of Angels *//you are oh-so-photogenic */ if you were wondering. this is for your photo album. */links of you Angel |